


i have questions for you

by orphan_account



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has questions, M/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, magnus has answers, post 220, soft and angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 07:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11846853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alec has always been very curious, and Magnus has lived an extremely long life with a lot of stories to tell him.





	i have questions for you

**Author's Note:**

> barely a week into the hiatus and i already miss my children so much. hopefully this fic will take take some of the pain away. warning, it's quite long!

"How many languages do you know?" Alec asked hesitantly, thumbing the binding of a book on demon mythology written in Greek on the grand bookcase.

They were currently in Magnus's study, a room that Alec didn't allow himself to come into often. He knew he was welcome in any part of the loft, it was his home now after all, but he still didn't want to get in Magnus's way. A study was a place of work, and Alec respected that, the same way that Magnus wouldn't walk into the Head office at the Institute whenever he felt like it.

Today was a little different, as Alec had arrived home later than usual and knew Magnus wouldn't be working at this time of night. A new demon had been out terrorising mundanes, and as the Head of the Institute, it had been Alec's job to stay back longer than everyone else until the demon had been dealt with and the mundanes taken care of. When he had gotten home, he had noticed the soft sound of classical music in the distance, coming from the back of the loft. Alec had thrown his jacket and stele to the side and made his way to the study, where Magnus was perched on an elegant, royal blue armchair reading a book in a language that Alec didn't recognise. That's when Alec had become curious, and started looking around the room.

"Well, when you've lived as long as I have, you find that hobbies become a very important part of ones routine." Magnus replied, looking up over his reading glasses at Alec, who was now investigating another bookshelf, his fingers stroking the spines of the books with care as he read their titles.

"That didn't really answer my question." Alec stated, but he was distracted by another book that had the initials M.B written across it. "Did you write this?"

Magnus took his reading glasses off and beckoned Alec over, who obliged without objection, his bare feet padding against the carpet softly as he made his way to Magnus's side. He perched himself on the arm of the chair, so that he was sitting above Magnus, and placed the book he had found on his lap.

"Ah yes, I've written a lot of journals like this over the course of my life. It helps me to remember things," Magnus sighed, shaking his head fondly at the pages as he flicked through the journal quickly. "But to answer your first question, I'm not sure. I've studied many typical mundane languages: Spanish, French, Russian, Greek, and more. I can also understand and translate a few demon languages but they're much tougher to actually speak." 

There was a long pause, and when Magnus finally looked up at Alec, he didn't expect to see his face look quite so in awe as it did. His eyebrows were raised, and his mouth open slightly as his brain registered the information.

"It appears I have broken you." Magnus chuckled, closing the journal and lacing his fingers through Alec's, who blinked a few times before snapping back to reality.

"It's just.. wow. You're so intelligent, not that I didn't already know that, but you know  _so much_." Alec stuttered, finally breathing out a soft laugh as he smiled down at Magnus.

"You don't get to be a High Warlock without a modicum of intelligence, but I suppose my diplomas speak for themselves."

" _Diplomas?_ " Alec repeated, his eyes widening.

Instead of replying, Magnus pointed to a space on the wall where a glass case hung low. Alec wasted no time in bolting over to it, and his gasp was audiable from where Magnus remained seated, waiting for his reaction.

"How can you have so many degrees? English literature, philosophy, biology and zoology.." Alec trailed off, mesmerised by the certificates in front of him. 

Magnus failed to surpass a giggle, untucking his legs from where he had had them curled up on the armchair, and making his way over to Alec. 

"I hated studying some of these, but I've always loved learning, and sometimes there are certain things we warlocks must put ourselves through to stop ourselves becoming brain dead."

"Magnus, I can't believe I didn't know all this about you. You've written countless journals, you know more languages than I can think of and you've achieved  _this many_ degrees. It's amazing!" Alec laughed, and when he finally tore his eyes from the glass case, he stared down at Magnus with a look that could only be described as pride. It almost took Magnus's breath away, and he had to look away for a moment to recollect.

Throughout the centuries, nobody had ever looked at him like that when they had learned of his knowledge, of everything he had done with his time. They had looked at him with jealousy, envy, even mockery, yes. But never pride.

"It is pretty amazing, I suppose." Magnus agreed nonchalantly, trying to remain as modest as possible, but even he knew that he was allowed to be proud of himself for the things he had achieved. It was incredibly heartwarming to know that Alec was also proud of him, and gave him the motivation to keep making Alec proud in the future.

"Come on," Magnus prompted after allowing a few more moments for Alec to study the room around him, settling again on the journals that fascinated him the most. "Let's go get something ready for dinner, you must be starving."

Magnus had reached the doorway by the time he realised that Alec hadn't followed him, and when he turned back to see what the holdup was, he saw that Alec was still stood by the desk.

"Magnus, you know how you said you write these journals to help you remember things?" Alec asked, flicking through another book before closing it, and bringing his stare up to Magnus. "Will you write one to remember me?"

Well, he hadn't expected that.

"Alexander," Magnus sighed, walking back and taking the book from him, so he could interlock their hands instead. "I won't  _need_ a journal to remember you. I promise you that you've already made a big enough impression on me to last for eternity, so I won't write one to remember you. I'll write one because the words on the pages will be able to bring me happiness when I need it most. I don't  _need_ a journal for you, I'll just want one."

Alec nodded then, offering him a soft smile of understanding, before bending his head slightly to press a delicate kiss to his lips. Magnus smiled into the kiss, thankful that this conversation hadn't gone another way, and stroked his hand down Alec's arm in an offer of reassurance. 

"Now, what was that you were saying about dinner?"

* * *

Alec had never really thought of himself as being someone who was good with kids. Growing up, he had been given the responsibility to take care of Jace, Izzy and Max whenever their parents were busy with Clave meetings, so overtime he had developed the skill of knowing how to behave with children. He had thought it was just the brotherly instinct in him, making sure he protected his siblings with fierce love, the only way he knew how. But now, it seemed like those skills had stayed with him, as he realised just how well he got along with his goddaughter, Madzie.

Magnus had suggested a trip to Catarina's a while ago, but with everything that had been going on lately, there really hadn't been much time until now. That's how Alec found himself curled up on the floor, watching as Madzie showed him how she could manipulate her magic to create smokey wisps in the shapes of her favourite animals dance in the air in front of them. Alec loved watching her use her magic, not just because she was so skilled for her age, but because her magic was a beautiful emerald green, in contrast to Magnus's which was a brilliant liquid blue.

"She really does adore him, doesn't she?" Catarina whispered to Magnus, where they were both sat on the leather couch overlooking the pair on the floor. That's how their visits always ended up, Alec and Madzie playing together and Catarina and Magnus catching up.

It's not that Alec and Catarina didn't get along, because they  _did._  Alec had a lot to be thankful for when it came to Catarina and the centuries of friendship and advice she had offered Magnus, but whenever he was around the little warlock, he couldn't help himself from being distracted and focusing all of his attention on her.

"She does. Alec was the first person who showed her any real kindness before she was taken from -" Magnus began, lowering his voice into an even quieter whisper so that Madzie couldn't hear him. "Iris."

Catarina nodded, needing to hear no more of the story. She knew all about Iris Rouse and her fascination with dark magic, but she had never thought in a million years that a little girl could have been caught up in all of it. She was thankful that Alec had found Madzie, and that now she had a home where she was loved by her foster mother and godparents.

"I know you're having fun sweetheart, but it's getting late. It's time we got you to bed." Catarina spoke up, tapping Madzie on the shoulder, causing her magic to fade slowly until it had completely vanished. 

With little to no protest, Madzie stood up, and threw her arms around Alec's torso, giving him a fierce hug. She went to Magnus next, who dropped a kiss to the tip of her nose, resulting in her waving her arms out in front of her and giggling. Catarina took her by the hand, and began to walk to the bedrooms, promising Magnus and Alec she would be back soon.

Alec removed himself from the floor, standing up and dusting himself down, before sitting down on the couch next to Magnus. They sat in silence for a few moments, a comfortable silence, before Magnus placed his hand on Alec's arm.

"Is there something on your mind, Alexander? You seem a little distracted." Magnus asked, his eyes searching Alec's face for any sign that he was in distress.

"I'm fine, I'm just thinking," Alec admitted, and from the way he bounced his right leg up and down, Magnus could tell he was a little nervous about what he was about to ask next. "It's just, when you brought Madzie to Catarina, she didn't think twice about adopting her. It just made me wonder, I know it's stupid, but it made me wonder why you haven't ever had children? And if you _ever_  want to have children?" 

"Oh." Magnus replied simply, removing his gaze from Alec's face and instead concentrating on the wall in front of them.

"You don't have to answer if it's too personal, I understand." Alec assured him, placing his hand on Magnus's knee and squeezing gently.

 _I understand._  

Alec was right, he did understand Magnus. He was one of the most understanding people Magnus had ever met, and that's why Magnus didn't feel any sort of fear whenever he revealed a part of himself to Alec, because he knew that he would get it. He would understand.

"It's quite alright, darling. It's just that nobody has ever asked me why I haven't had children before. The same way that nobody has ever asked me to have children with them." Magnus sighed, finally looking back at Alec. "It's not that I don't want children. It's just that I've never met someone who's been willing to have them with me, either because warlocks are infertile and they don't wish to adopt, or because they didn't love me enough to want that with me." 

He didn't appear to be upset, as Magnus was good at hiding his emotions. But Alec was good at seeing through Magnus, and he knew him well enough to know this was a touchy subject for him. Magnus treated the Downworlders he cared for like his own children, they meant that much to him, and Alec knew a small part of him must truly want that for himself.

"I love you enough." Alec stated, like it was that simple. "Obviously not right now, because we haven't necessarily been together long enough to commit to something like children. But I know I love you, and I will love you until I die, and sometime in the near future I would love to have children with you."

It still amazed Magnus that Alec could just come out with these raw and honest sentences, without any filter, like they're the most simple statements in the world. And Alec doesn't even know, he doesn't know that he wears his heart completely on his sleeve, and the things he says to Magnus are some of the most heartwarming things anyone has ever said to him. Alec doesn't even try, he doesn't try to be romantic or make Magnus swoon, he simply says what he feels because he's never been taught not to, and it's one of Magnus's favourite things about him.

"I'd love to have children with you too. One day."

"One day." Alec repeated, and it's more than two words. It's a promise.

At that moment, Catarina returned, rubbing her eyes harshly and swiping the hair out of her face that had fallen forward. She dropped into the couch opposite Magnus and Alec with a loud, exaggerated sigh and put her feet up, stretching out.

"I'm never going to get used to mundane fairytale stories, they're full of inaccurate information." She chuckled, biting one of her fingernails and smiling at the two of them. "Anyway, what did I miss?"

"Oh, nothing much." Magnus replied smoothly, sharing a quick knowing smile with Alec. Catarina narrowed her eyes at the two of them, but just shrugged before delving into a conversation about The Little Mermaid and how mermaids would never desire mundanes, even if they were royalty.

* * *

Magnus had never been fond of the New York Institute. It was a reminder of dark days and war, and it was only since meeting Alec, and growing close with his friends and family, that he'd began feeling slightly more comfortable here. However, it didn't stop him from needing to take a deep breath every time he made his way up the cobblestone steps and entered the building.

He stepped into the ops centre now, searching around for a familiar face before he caught Isabelle's long dark hair, and made his way over, greeting her with a kind smile.

"Magnus, thank goodness you've come." She groaned, dismissing the two Shadowhunters stood before her and pulling Magnus off to the side. 

"Of course, darling. You sounded quite distressed on the phone, is everything okay?"

" _I'm_ fine," She answered, looking around the room to make sure that nobody was eavesdropping. "It's Alec. He's been locked up in his office all day and he won't come out for anybody. I don't know what's wrong with him, and he won't talk to me, but I know he'll talk to you." 

Magnus knew Izzy loved her big brother with her whole heart, it was evident from the way she stared up at him with sad eyes, disappointed in herself that she couldn't be there for him, but knowing Izzy had called on him because she knew he was the only person Alec would want to see right now made his heart flutter slightly.

"I'll do what I can, Isabelle." He promised, squeezing her shoulder. She let out a deep breath and gave him a quick smile, before returning her attention to the Shadowhunters who needed her guidance.

Magnus made his way through the corridors, passing a few Nephilim on his way, and he was surprised when he noticed the way they nodded at him, almost like they respected him. There were still those that looked at him like they were above him, but that was nothing new, and what was expected. It was those that greeted him that made him almost gasp in disbelief, even though he'd already come to learn that the younger Shadowhunters were a little more advanced than their elders.

He eventually reached the door to Alec's office, knocking softly. When there was no response, he knocked again, and spoke. "It's Magnus. Can I come in?"

There was a long pause, before eventually he heard some rustling from within the room, and the click of the lock undoing. "Come in." Alec responded, his voice muffled behind the thick wood of the door.

Now he knew he was welcome, Magnus stepped inside, closing the door quickly behind him, and turning to face Alec who had made his way back to his desk. His head was beant down, staring at the papers in front of him, and he looked positively exhausted. Magnus knew that Alec liked his space whenever he was in a bad mood, and so he proceeded to sit in the chair opposite the desk, crossing his legs.

"I'm just here to check up on you. You haven't been answering your texts and Isabelle is a little worried about you." Magnus prompted softly, offering Alec the space to speak what was on his mind if that's what he wished.

"I'm fine." 

It was so blunt, so fierce, that Magnus knew immediately Alec was lying. He licked his bottom lip, and stood up, placing both hands on the desk and leaning onto them.

"Alexander, please look at me." 

In that moment, Alec cursed himself for having the inability to say no to Magnus. He lifted his head, summoning up the courage to bring his stare to Magnus, before locking eyes with him.

"I love you, and I know something's wrong. Whatever it is, I'm here for you." Magnus spoke slowly, never letting his eyes look away from Alec's.

"Sounds familiar." Alec half laughed, half sighed. 

"You always do come out with the most poetic phrases. Now, what is it that's troubling you?"

Alec rolled his eyes, sitting back in his chair. The expression on his face was so vacant, so not there, that it unsettled Magnus a little. He hated seeing Alec like this, because it was more than simply being upset about something, it was Alec tearing himself down and ripping his own mind to shreds. 

"I received a fire message from the Clave earlier. Long story short, they're incredibly disappointed that our golden boy Jace Herondale gave up his position as Head and gave it to an, in their own words,  _average Shadowhunter._ " Alec sneered, and it was clear he was becoming less upset and more angered as he spoke. "They don't think I'm good enough to be Head. Jace is stronger, faster, basically a better Shadowhunter in their eyes. In most people's eyes, actually. I'm starting to believe them."

"Alexander, you can't let yourself think like that." Magnus sighed, leaning forward to hold Alec's hand and his heart dropped when Alec recoiled his arm, dropping it to his side.

"Why did you choose me, Magnus?" He suddenly exploded, his voice harsh. "Why me? You could have liked Isabelle, she's prettier and smarter than me. Or you could have liked Jace, he's everybody's idea of perfection and much more talented than I. So, why me?" Alec spat, his breathing rapid and uneven.

Magnus didn't allow himself to get pent up, instead he waited for Alec to calm down, knowing that eventually he would, and when he would he'd regret lashing out like that. He saw the tension in Alec's shoulders slowly fade away and his breathing return to a normal pace, but his eyebrows were still narrowed and face still red, more so with grief than anger now.

"I'm, uh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get like that, I just.. it's been a hard day." Alec admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand roughly.

"I chose you because I saw something in you. It's as simple as that, Alexander. You were vulnerable, reserved and calm. You looked out for your siblings, and if you can recall, the first moment I saw you, you saved my life by killing an assassin. You were selfless in those few moments I met you, and later on during the demon summoning. I can't tell you why I didn't take to Isabelle or Jace, I just didn't. I only saw  _you._ " Magnus spoke calmly, making his way around the desk to sit in front of Alec. "And hello, have you seen you?" He smirked, tilting Alec's head backwards.

Alec pushed his hand away but allowed himself a moment to laugh. He placed his arms on Magnus's thighs and hugged his waistline, keeping the two of them close. 

"And for the record, Jace isn't more talented than you. You are talented in different ways. Give him a bow and arrow and let's see how well he can hit his targets. Just because he may be more talented than you in some ways does not mean that you are worth any less than he is. You are  _made_ for this job, Alec. Forget what the Clave says, they're a bunch of judgmental bigots. Do your job, do it well, and prove them wrong."

Alec pulled him in even closer then, wrapping his arms tighter and resting his head on Magnus's chest. Magnus took the advantage of being higher than Alec for once and run his fingers through Alec's hair, stroking his scalp and smoothing out the soft dark hairs.

"I'm going to marry you one day, that'll really piss off the Clave." Alec chuckled, his voice muffled against the fabric of the Magnus's shirt.

There was the honest, no filter Alec that Magnus knew and loved. He couldn't stop his face from brightening up at the idea of the two of them one day getting married and not caring about what the Clave or anyone else had to say about it. It wasn't just a thought or a wish, it was a very plausible plan for them. One that Magnus hoped more than ever would one day work out.

"I can't wait for that day." Magnus finally replied, continuing to stroke Alec's hair. 

That day would come, and when it did Magnus would be thankful for every moment, every hardship, every bit of difficulty they had had to go through to get there. Marrying Alec would be worth every day, every fight, every question. It would be worth it all.

**Author's Note:**

> this was really long but GOD i enjoyed writing it so much! please leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed, i appreciate that so so much.
> 
> send any prompts for fics to my twitter / curious cat and please feel free to share this with your friends, the support means the world to me.
> 
> twitter - @alecsminyard


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